09 February 2012

You'll see your problems multiply


Me to the son: There's more food if you're still hungry.

The son: No, I'll just wait for cake.

Me: Well, if you want, I'll call you when I serve dessert, since everyone else is still eating.

The son: Well! I have stuff I need to do first!

Me, puzzled: What?

The son, with great drama and gestures: Bring in those.

He exits into the garage.

Me to the rest of the assemblage: He just needs to wheel the garbage cans to the side of the house. You'd think he had to take them to the back of the beyond.

The daughter: The Arctic Circle.

The spouse: The Serengeti.

The daughter: With no food or water.

The spouse: Armed with a toothpick.

Me: To fight off the sand fleas.

The daughter: What's a sand flea?

The spouse: A flea.

Me, helpfully: It lives in the sand.

The daughter: It would be hard to catch a flea. You can't even step on it. It would sink into the sand.

Me: Hence the toothpick.

The son returns and washes his hands.

The son: What's this about a toothpick?

The spouse: We figured you were using it to joust with a sand flea.

The son, without missing a beat: No, actually, I dropped the toothpick and it was all hand-to-hand combat from there. Where's the cake?

Go listen to some music: "Policy of Truth" from the album Violator by Depeche Mode.

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