The daughter: So C. was telling me today that her mom went out to walk the dog last night...and there were raccoons on the roof!
The son: Were they dancing? Carousing? Throwing coconuts at people?
The daughter, giggling insanely: No, they were...they were...they were doing it!
The spouse groans.
Me: 'Tis the season.
The daughter, still giggling as only teenage girls speaking of such things can giggle: So, her dad went out and threw a tennis ball at them.
Me: Which, of course, had no effect whatsoever.
The daughter, now with affronted giggles: No! They looked at him and went right back to it.
The son: Her dad...that's the guy who looks like Mick Jagger, right? Oh man, I love it. Mick Jagger in a trench coat throwing tennis balls at raccoons on the roof! Just picture it.
The daughter, now seriously affronted: He doesn't look like Mick Jagger. He looks exactly like Bill Nighy!
Me, interjecting with some severity: I think it's time to do homework...
The son, wandering off down the hall: No, he looks like Mick Jagger. I said it the moment I saw him...
The daughter, her voice echoing back from her room: He does not. He could be Bill Nighy...
Go listen to some music: "Only the Good Die Young" from the album The Stranger by Billy Joel. Really, the poor man looks like neither Mick Jagger nor Bill Nighy. Well, maybe Bill Nighy from the Still Crazy era.