12 April 2011

...it's never enough

We are making our way through endings.

For six years, I've had a child in the county academic pentathlon, and tonight, I sat in that theater for the last time as the final medals were collected. Now our home is home to two sets of blue, two sets of green and two sets of purple ribbons.

For twelve years, I've been a room parent organizing parties and teaching crafts, a classroom helper, the book order parent, the woman who spent a day hanging dangling snow flakes from the multi-purpose room's ceiling. Chaperoning the boys, putting makeup on the girls for the annual musical. Accompanying classes on field trips. Judging science fair. And now, we're putting together the final class party, to be held Friday.

There is graduation yet to come. I'm holding back on signing up for anything, pending a decision on surgery. It's time and past time for others to take the lead here, but unfortunately, it's usually down to us few who generally take the lead.

I think this is supposed to be bittersweet, but mostly it's bitter. Even I'm surprised at how filled with vitriol I am, how anxious I am to put this place behind me. Talking with another parent today, I was taken aback by my own negativity, and I'm not a particularly negative person.

Endings.

Meanwhile, I am drowning in paper work, dragging my feet (literally and figuratively) on scheduling the next MRI. I am avoiding people simply because I don't want to talk. I don't want to make the stretch into forced politeness

This, too, will pass. This, too, will pass.

Go listen to some good music: "Shellshock" from the album International - The Best of New Order by New Order. I'm really tired. It makes me really cranky.

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