15 March 2011

We soak up lots of pain...yeah

I don't like needles.

So I'm objecting strenuously to the next phase in back treatment: an epidural.

I must have told the surgeon three times that pain is the least of my concerns. I don't even really care about the loss of sensation. I just want normal function restored. And he told me an equal number of times that if I don't feel any pain, it might make everything better.

Personally, I don't believe this. I really don't believe that the pain I've got is severe enough to warrant this sort of treatment. If the nerves are still compressed, they're still compressed. I fell again Friday night, so despite the increases in strength and the return of some sensation, there is still something pretty wrong. And of course, the surgeon acknowleges this, too. Which is why he ordered another MRI to see if that chunk of disc residing in my spinal canal has diminished at all.

(Yes, I do believe he has my best interests at heart. But I'm not convinced that cramming my spine full of cortisone is really worth the trouble at this point.)

I am wearying of all the "maybe," and the fact this is dragging on and on and on. The surgeon's never taken the option of immediate surgery off the table. I can still do that (ha!), but there's no guarantee that's going to restore function.

I have things to do. Places to go. Promises to keep. I do not have time for this.

Go listen to some good music: "Pain" from the album BOI-NGO by Oingo Boingo. Here's the best part about the epidural: it might work. It might not! So...why the hell bother?

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