06 March 2009

True

I considered the weather, strategized layovers, the best place to fly in and out.

I considered the places I planned to see, routes, directions, times to travel, where I needed to be and when.

I considered appropriate clothing (dress like a grownup? Why, yes!) for weather, luggage and activities.

I didn't consider illness.

I admit to chaos, but I keep it orchestrated, and if chaos can said to be under control, mine is. I believe in keeping promises; I dislike "circumstances beyond our control." It's a plea bargain, and not always, but often, a copout. I have trouble making excuses. Even when they're true, they often ring false in my own ears. I always believe there was something I didn't do, didn't see, could have managed better.

My fractious mind tries to calm itself with words that sound reasonable: "There'll be other times." But I know from experience that some missed connections are missed forever.

Go listen to some good music: "True" from the album Concrete Blonde by Concrete Blonde. It's really not a good sign that I'm still up at 1:30 in the morning.

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