Me, after five hours of removing Trojans and viruses from the MIL's computer: "Look, I'm just grateful that the downstairs computer didn't infect that computer," pointing at the machine across the room.
MIL, who is 79, and has a significant German accent: "It can do that?"
Me: "Sure. They're on the same network, and the computer downstairs isn't up to date with anything: anti-virus, anti-spyware, patches. It's like unsafe sex."
The son, crimson-faced, quietly: "Moooo-oom."
The in-laws stare at me with mild incomprehension. The spouse tries to disguise his laughter as a cough. I realize what I've just said, but figure in for a penny, in for a pound.
Me: "And the security on your wireless connection had been disabled. That's like unsafe sex with the whole neighborhood!"
FIL, who is 81: "Whooo-EEEEEE!"
Go listen to some good music: "Too Much Information" from the album Ghost in the Machine by The Police. And if you think that was the worst thing I said all day, think again.