26 June 2008

Walkin' on the sun

There is something soothing about beating bread dough, or creating a huge stew, or baking a beautiful dessert. There is kindness in the creation, and love in the act when I'm making these things for those I care about. The action in the repetition of chopping or kneading or stirring is calming, and cooking is something I often turn to when I am not happy. It allows me to turn frustration into a gift.

The best bread can be made in the greatest anger. The more you beat it, the better it is, and at the end, anger has been channeled into something that nourishes.

So this week, I made a huge pot of jambalaya--the daughter has been requesting it--and just took a dutch chocolate cake out of the oven.

The jambalaya was fine. The cake exploded, for no particularly good reason.

I didn't explode. I disguised the oozed out bits with strawberries and whipped cream, and everyone agreed it was delicious.

I am regaining equanimity.

Slowly.

The internal upheaval has been tremendous, the internal shift tectonic, and now my compass is recalibrating magnetic north.

I haven't got the power to change the world. Changing myself is hard enough.

But I can use the gifts I have to make it better, a moment at a time.

Go listen to some good music: "Walkin' On the Sun" from the album All Star Smash Hits by Smash Mouth.

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