31 May 2008

Moments of pleasure

I had a great month.

I ran off all month, but I wasn't running from. I was running to. I liked that. I saw stuff, good stuff. I went to five concerts. My eldest was named valedictorian and successfully navigated the school musical as assistant director; my youngest sailed triumphantly through State Fair and a day's worth of being a colonial lass.

I had a birthday. Birthdays at this point are more about birthday cake than anything else--otherwise, it's just about the wrinkles--and I got two cakes, even though I was the prodigal and ran off for my birthday.

It wasn't a big birthday or a really significant birthday; I just had somewhere to run to. That was great fun.

Right now, there is a sign on the front door, one I put there at 2 am yesterday. It says, in huge green letters: CUPCAKES. I was so tired and so distracted with all that needed to be done yesterday, that I was terrified I would forget to take the cupcakes with me in the morning.

The sign is still on the door. I didn't forget the cupcakes, but the hysteria in the scrawled letters makes me laugh every time I see it.

CUPCAKES. That was my month. Small moments of intense sweetness, enough to remind that I have such a good life, filled with good people and good music and good times.

CUPCAKES. I had to plan every moment of this month down to the nth degree, to the point of putting up a sign, but I got through it and so did everyone else, all of us happy, all of us content.

CUPCAKES! The Angels just beat Toronto despite a really poor call in the 9th. That one had extra frosting.

CUPCAKES. The things I make. I make things. I forget that part sometimes, that I do give to my family, to my community, to the world around me. I'm so grateful for all that's been given to me that I never feel I can repay it adequately. My family and my friends tell me don't be so hard on yourself, but I don't know how to let up. I will always be in arrears, no matter how much I give. So I forget that I do make things, I do give things, even if it's cupcakes, even if it's a spontaneous smile that's the only way I can say, "You're making me so happy," the only way I can say, "Thank you."

Cupcakes. It's the small things. And I want to do bigger things, but the small things are a start.

Go listen to some good music: "Moments of Pleasure" from the album The Red Shoes by Kate Bush.

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