05 May 2008

Hanging on the telephone

On hold.

"Your wait time will be more than five minutes! Please visit us online..."

Sorry, I need an actual human being.

Elevator music.

"Blah blah blah." An advertisement.

Elevator music.

"Blah blah blah." An advertisement.

Elevator music.

"Hello, this is L... How may I help you?"

I tell her.

"Why, let me get a transaction specialist to assist you!"

Transaction specialist?

At least she can't see me roll my eyes.

Elevator music.

"Hello, this is A... How may I assist you?"

I tell her.

"To whom do I have the pleasure of speaking today?"

Unforgivably, I laugh. Out loud. It's not going to be a pleasure much longer at this rate. I give my name.

"Let me pull up the account. Hold please."

Elevator music.

"Thank you for holding..."

Much back and forth. I gently explain higher math, carefully maintaining my pleasure-to-speak-to status, and why what I am asking her to do works.

After thinking about it, the transaction specialist agrees that I am correct.

Call the party of the second part.

Voicemail.

*sigh*

Phone rings.

"SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYY. I was on the other line....."

We all have too many lines.

I explain.

"Ok, please hold."

Elevator music.

Do these people use the same elevator music company? I swear I was just listening to this exact same bit of music.

I fall into a reverie for a moment wondering about the person who learned to play piano only to end up with his/her performance playing into the annoyed ears of people on hold...

Go listen to some good music: "Hanging on the Telephone" from the album Greatest Hits by Blondie.

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