20 March 2008

We're desperate

Pretty young woman: "Are you finding what you need?"

Me: "Uh."

PYW: "?"

Me: "Well. I need some jeans. That fit."

PYW, looking at the jeans I am wearing: "Oh. What size do you wear?"

Me: "No clue."

PYW, looking at the jeans I've pulled off the rack: "Well, you're not that big!"

Me: "?"

PYW: "Ok, how big are your hips?"

I tell her my hip and waist size, adding: "AND! I can't wear anything low-rise."

PYW, scoffs: "Yes, you can."

Me: "CAN'T! I'm long-waisted; low-rise are obscene, mid-rise are low-rise, high-rise are mid-rise."

PYW shakes head, and grabs handfuls of denim off the rack. "Now, dressing room. These" waves a pair of jeans around "are going to look really tight. Trust me, they stretch."

Me: *sigh*

In dressing room.

Me: "Holy &%!#."

PYW: "What?"

Me: "You weren't kidding about tight."

PYW, severely: "Let me see."

I open the door.

PYW: "Those look great!"

Me, turning to look at my rear end in the mirror: "NO! It looks like I've got the QE2 back there!"

PYW, rolling eyes: "They are going to stretch. Trust me."

Me: "There is not enough stretch in anything to cover THAT."

PYW: "I am not going to let you leave here in anything that's inappropriate."

Me, looking again in the mirror where "inappropriate" is stamped all over my behind.

PYW: "They are long, though. You weren't kidding. All your height is in your body."

Me: "!!!"

PYW, cheerfully: "I'm going to call Alterations. They'll hem them free."

Me: "But..."

PYW: "They'll stretch."

Me, severely to the jeans: "You do know you will spend your entire existence in the closet, right?"

Go listen to some good music: "We're Desperate" from the album Wild Gift by X.

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