21 December 2007

Lyin' eyes

My mother called today. I was huffing and puffing through an interval workout on the exercise bike, which did not deter her. The woman was on a mission.

Mother: "Do you like the Eagles?"

Me, really certain that through all my heavy breathing, I did not just hear her ask that: "What?"

Mother: "The Eagles. You know, the rock group the Eagles. Do you like them?"

Me: "Um. They were the very first rock concert I ever went to. Remember? SK and I were like...13."

I'm trying not to laugh. This is a famous story in my personal mythology.

Mother: "Well, they have a new album out. They cut a deal with Walmart and it's only being sold there. Do you want me to pick up a copy for you?"

How in the hell does my mother know this? My mother, who is rapidly nearing her 70th birthday. My mother, who lives in the far unlit no longer unknown outskirts of Atlanta.

Me: "Um. What?"

Mother, patiently: "I was listening to an interview with them, and they did a deal with Walmart so that they could cut back on piracy, and the album is only being distributed through Walmart. I bought your sister K. a copy for her stocking, and I was wondering if you'd like me to get you a copy."

Me, filled with nameless guilt: "Um. Sure. Thank you. But only if it's not very expensive."

Mother: "It's $11. They produced it themselves to cut costs."

This is my mother?

Mother, suddenly sounding stern: "Barry Manilow was your first rock concert."

Me, deciding cravenly to allow her to believe that she is having a major senior moment: "Um. No. It was the Eagles."

Mother: "What is the name of that band you're always going to see?"

Oops, thin ice. I was in Atlanta seeing that band in June. She doesn't know this.

"You didn't tell her?" the brother goggled at me during Thanksgiving dinner.

"I was in Atlanta for 12 hours!" I squealed. "Sandwiched in between hosting the 8th grade luncheon and picking up the kids on their last day of school."

There is nothing like watching a 40-year-old, 6'3" ex-Marine giggle hysterically.

Mother: "Is it the Rolling Stones?"

Me: "No!"

Mother: "I thought it started with 'r'..."

Me: "Mother, thanks so much for thinking of us when you heard about that Eagles album."

There may be no way to hide my lying eyes, but at least she can't see them over the phone.

Go listen to some good music: "Lyin' Eyes" from the album One of These Nights by the Eagles.

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